“I am amazed how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday.” Gary Chapman, The 5 Love Languages

The 5 languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

“Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.” 
― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages Singles Edition

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Show Notes:

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” -by Shannon L. Alder

Working the room means making friends and influencing people in a social setting, since if you walk into the room for the first time, you probably don’t know anyone, there are two approaches you can take but they start the same. One is introducing yourself to others that have the same emotional energy you do, welcoming them to the group,make sure you talk confidently which is why you talk about what you value. As you talk to people you build your confidence and emotional energy.

An introvert will continue speaking one on one with people throughout the room. While an extrovert will find someone they can really connect with and together they will grow a circle around them as they entertain and make people laugh.

Small talk is crucial for building rapport. It’s not about what you are talking about it’s about the emotions you are sending across those empathy waves. You find out how they are feeling and what they are willing to talk about through small talk.

What to talk about

Talk about the things you value. Talk about the things that the group is coming together about. Share your life stories that make you laugh or talk about something that you learned recently. Talk about what you are passionate about. If you can talk about it they’ll listen if you appear interested in listening in turn.

“If you see something beautiful in someone speak it” -by Ruthie Lindsey

Debating a topic disrespectfully. It’s not about proving the other person wrong if your intention is to make friends. The good way to debate is to point out the things you agree on and pose questions on things you don’t agree on.

Avoid talking about the things that make you depressed or anxious. It’s all about the emotion you want to share and talk about things that bring the feeling to your memory. If all you talk about is depressing than that’s all you are going to find and experience in your life.

We all have bad days and we do need some time to share our frustrations. However make sure you show gratitude for them to listen to you and strive to share something you are passionate about in the future.

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Here is an amazon book link to Social, The Power of Relationships

Show Notes:

You want to have a few things in mind before walking into a room to converse and connect, and that is having a Social Strategy.

There are three parts to developing a social strategy:

1. Knowing your purpose
2. Understanding your audience
3. Having a message you want to share

Purpose; is knowing why you are showing up to this group. Why are you wanting to go to the event, party, or group get together?

“WHY? Asking why is the most important question you can ever ask yourself or your company. Knowing your why empowers you to define both your vision and goals. Knowing your why also makes it easier to say yes or no to every decision.” ~Spencer Taggart, Social Media Marketing Director

Audience; is understanding who you are connecting with. What are their values? What do you have in common with them? Why are they coming to this event? How do they like connecting with other people? What type of dress will people be wearing at the event? What is the main value that is bringing everyone together?

When picking the audience you want to join look for groups that share your values. It’s hard to connect with someone when you don’t share common values.

Message; What is the message you want to share? What are your strengths? What do you want other people to know about you? What values do you want them to know you love?

An example of message; Jason’s underlining message is sharing his stories to inspire. He looks for opportunities to inspire and aid people on the path to live their dreams.

The more excitement and passion you can share the more value you are giving to the people around you.

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(All book links are amazon affiliate links. Thank you for supporting us by using our affiliate links to buy books.)

Here is an amazon book link to Social, The Power of Relationships

Show Notes:

“Until you truly let go, until you truly form humility, can you find empathy and in that empathy you find contact and in that contact you find out who you truly are, and who the people are around you.” By Jimmy Nelson, author of the book Before They Pass Away.

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” -By Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

In this episode we are talking about the 5 social roles we play in group settings.

The 5 social roles are

1. Organizer
2. Speaker
3. Wingman
4. Wallflower
5. Loner

The Organizer is the guy or girl who brought the group together.

The Speaker is the most enthusiastic person in the room. They are the entertainer in the group.

The Wingman is the guy or girl who is the most emotionally connected person to the wingman. He or she helps supports the entertainment.

The Wallflower are the viewers of the group. They speak quietly with the people next to them.

The loner is the person who is easily caught in his or her own mental chaos. They are thinking to much of themselves positively or negatively, and as such they are trying to become something they are not guaranteed to succeed doing.

Listen to the Podcast PLAY THEORY for reference for the concept of “Yes and” the conversation.

You don’t need to be a speaker or organizer to feel connected to the group. You only need to accept yourself the way you are and look for ways to welcome others to the group.

The difference between the loner and the wallflower is their social strategy. It’s a matter of thinking about how to welcome others than thinking about how afraid or confused you may feel.

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Link to the book on amazon Social, The Power of Relationships.

Show notes:

“Research shows that negative feelings like anxiety and depression, unlike positive emotions, make us more self-centered. In contrast, positive emotions boost our inclination to connect with others in productive ways.” -By  Emma Seppälä, The Happiness Track: How to Apply the Science of Happiness to Accelerate Your Success. Her website is emmaseppala.com.

For those who would like to read more about these topics check out our book.

Amazon Book link: Social, The Power of Relationships

Disclaimer, We’re not saying you are a self-centered jerk if you have depression or anxiety. It only means one feels inclined to think more self-centered when feeling negative emotions. When we feel more positive emotions it compels us to connect with more people.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. A Neuroscientist Vilayanur Ramachandran explains the intriguing functions of mirror neurons. These neurons allow us to learn complex social behaviors. The foundations of human civilization Stand on our ability to use these neurons to learn complex social interactions.

We can look at someone and get a good idea of how they are feeling because of these mirror neurons, also known as empathy. They help us to recognize emotions.

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” – by Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

When you have a hard time feeling empathy you can strengthen it through meditation.

When your empathy is too strong and it clouds your ability to take action it’s best to define who you want to focus on.

(All Amazon links are affiliate links, Thank you for supporting us through buying books through our links)

Link to the book on amazon Social, The Power of Relationships.

Show notes:

“It’s about values. It’s about happiness. It’s about living a life of meaning and direction.

It’s about surrounding yourself with people who elevate and inspire you.”

Quote by Jordan harbinger at TheArtOfCharm.com.

Values can control our core thoughts. They should trigger positive emotions that provide the rails for more positive trains of thought.

Expectations are habits on cruse control. When an expectation lies unmet it commonly triggers negative emotions. Many times we are blind to our expectations until they are broken.

The better you can control your thoughts the stronger of an impact you make in the world. Values and expectations are our thoughts behind our thoughts. Knowing what they are, gives you more control over what you think about. We only need to think about them once for them to make a large impact in our daily life.

When you feel happy stop and ask what do I value in this situation or why do I enjoy this experience?

When you feel badly stop and ask what was the expectation that has been broken or whose fault is it and what can I learn here?

The way you feel is the first thing you give in any relationship. Your emotions are influenced by what you think, and what you think about is controlled by your values and expectations.

Amazon Book link: Social, The Power of Relationships